I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
