last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Randomize
