Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
