He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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