Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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