Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
