In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
