I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
