Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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