i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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