Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
