why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
