I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize