We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Of course I have a pirate flag
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
