Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
