Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
