I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
