And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
