Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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