So drunk its hurt
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
