is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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