3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
