I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
