i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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