i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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