Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
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