This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
