homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
