So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
as a side note pls kill me
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
