I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize