Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
