So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
