I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
