Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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