Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
