he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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