Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize