So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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