We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize