this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
