I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
