that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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