I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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