he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
