I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
