Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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