some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
