this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
