I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
