"it" just moved
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
