I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
