I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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