I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
