You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
