i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
