Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
