he wants to bone in the snuggie
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
