Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
