this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
