why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
