summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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