Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize