Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Sorry my hands just texted you
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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