My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
