I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
