So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
