Do you still have your period?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
