guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
