i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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