Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
