She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
